Poem #31: "trigger"

"trigger"

calm

deep breath

worlds fly by when
words are choked
calm

deep breath

when heart is still, but
mind is overcome
seduced

deep breath

by repetition
serene
calm

deep, breathless

when mind is still, but
heart is overcome
deep

breathless

over-anxiety
mind and heart are
numb

the body, a shell

breathless
hyperventilating
calm

deep breath

words fly by when
worlds are clashing
numb

rhythmic, breathless

my mind
in need of release
calm

the trigger
overcomes me
silent
relentless
fading, distant
calm

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written April 2013.

Poem #30: "Far Night"

"Far Night"

i hear the voice of the night sky
subtly calling my name
it beckons, it echoes, it echoes
a silent calling to my wounded spirit.

i look to the night sky
its voice echoes in my mind
it's screaming of sadness, echoing fear
though somehow it keeps me sane

its motherly rhythms
though hostile and sweet
cradle me, reassuring,
a cold embrace of fear

each star calls within me
a memory,
each comet
a troublesome trigger,
each galaxy
a deep-rooted longing
each breeze, a cold love
i belong

each wind echoes sadness
each tree translates to sounds,
"i am an archetype of mental projections
transient, ambient, but eternal

i have a subtle calling
that one day, will reach"
as it speaks without words
to my wounded spirit.

"i'm your companion
all throughout time
i resonate through you always
without words, without rhyme."

the distant night surrounds me,
an all-encroaching grasp,
the moist winds an echo of my tears
falling down to the ground

i surrender to this voice
of a cold and lonely love,
into my inner darkness
staring back at me.

through my mind's echoes
i belong.
through my heart's calling,
i am loved.

i hear the voice of my night sky
subtly calling my name
it beckons, it echoes, it echoes
a silent calling to my wounded spirit.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written April 2013.

Poem #29: "look into my heartbeat"

"look into my heartbeat"

i look into my heartbeat,
stare into the sound of moments
passing, moments passing
looking deeply to its rhythm, now,
i dance

as moments pass
i struggle to the rhythm
of my own erratic heartbeat,
stare into its changing
nature, sometimes frantic,
always graceful

i stare into its changing
wonder, somewhat constant,
always graceful,
in its light, i glimmer,
dance as it repeats,
repeats, repeats,
i dance, enraptured

its subtle changes
capture me, i see
every rhythm and beat
now, simply letting go
of every moment,
every time, caught up
in time, caught up
in times caught up
to me

i dance to my anxiety
to every simple beat,
and every moment
which took hold of me,
i let go, learn to let go, now,
i dance to my anxiety

its grasp
enraptures me
as still, i look into
my heartbeat
and i dance.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written March 2013.

Poem #28: "the scars of a turbulent trauma"

"the scars of a turbulent trauma"

every thing i feel and suppress
time seems to slow down. i regress -- 
i fly within reaches of my own insanity,
fall into place in my secluded dreamland, and
my heart goes numb, my grace now broken, my
light abruptly lost in triggered chaos
subdued by the scars of a turbulent trauma

every rhyme i spark, express, 
time resumes in its perfect flow
i soar, i rise, i remember -- i
heal the cracks in my fractured heart
i release, to let go, to set myself free, to
rise, to kindle my flame, to fly above my sorrows,
renewed from the scars of a turbulent trauma

every time i fall,
my light subdued,
every time i heal,
i rise renewed.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written March 2013.

Poem #27: "self-made nightmare"

"self-made nightmare"

i dream of myself, bearing that
perfect image of a wounded
beast, drowning in
mindless mental images
of itself, gazing, fearing
an impending death,
a candle flame, flickering,
about to go out.

i dream of myself, mending my
glass heart, shattered,
a broken flow of mental
sanity, wounded, wound and
bound, tangled within the
cold, entrenching embrace of my
own, war torn heart strings.

i dream of myself, mind bent by
greedy fears, an inner light that's
stolen, embezzled in motion, my words
hindered, meanings intangible, cloaked,
impossible to grasp within when
mind and heart are separated,
like music whose notes bear
nothing but abrupt
emptiness.

i dream of myself, shielded by
unloving forgiveness, deep,
forged, forgotten emotion
bound by all that is nothing,
my fearful understanding lost
to a simple limitation, a glorious
anxiety, searching for words
when none are available.

i dream of myself,
forging "self" out of
mind-heart disharmony,
mind-mind imbalance,
shining light from veiled darkness,
from two benevolent demons
in a simple mind, heart,
routine dissatisfaction-seeking
organism, birthed from a small
void of limited humility.

i dream of myself,
playing my own
war-torn heart strings
hoping to get a single harmonized
sound, out of a place filled
with broken, abrupt feelings,
before simply collapsing in,
like a candle flame, flickering,
about to go out.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written February 2013.

Poem #26: "fragment of cosmic breath"

"fragment of cosmic breath"

i, in silent wonders of cyclical calmness,

am learning to love and learning to give

a small piece of my mind away, in silent,

simple, subtle rhythms, a

fragment of memories relived, in pieces

of harmony, shattered by fear, a

cosmic leer of things unknown, in

breath of love, and love in breath

and every time i pass unseen

every cycle repeated, and broken, i

strive to heal, to feel and to see

i take my turn and stop. to free myself

is a step toward madness, the cycle unbroken, a

step to relieve pain from my words, which unspoken,

encroaching the stillness of my heart, release

death of love, and love through death

i am a simple fragment

of cosmic breath,

and every strive i take

is a step encroaching death.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written February 2013.

Poem #25: "Icarus"

"Icarus"

when i fly

i free my mind of chains

internal fire

to disconnect from mortal gains

when i fly

i seem to walk between

two worlds

the pain impossible, unseen

when i fly i seem

my awareness to dissolve

from this world, a disconnect

between mind and heart to absolve

to free

from unseen guilt

that blankets my soul,

like a thickened quilt

from unresolved

traumas, forgotten tears

that come up

to undissolved fears

to fix

my needed

disconnection

seeded

by darkness of a void

internal fire too intense

for me so i fly

away from the immense

heat - or cold, stare

of a world unsuspecting

that a soul is overcome

by darkness, and disconnecting

when i fly, my mind

is not of gratitude but lust

my plastic face may not express this, but

for me to escape, it's a must

that i find peace within when

my internal flame still burns

i fly because this way,

the world around me turns

into paradise - or so i think,

so when i fly into my place

i lust for loving peace

to shine into my heart-space

or i disconnect. i cannot handle

the pain, so when i fly

i look for love or a little

inside, i die.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written January 2013.

Poem #24: "You Are An Angel"

"You Are An Angel"

they say

you are an angel

you may not think it

but i've seen your

wings and how your love

radiates brightly from behind them

they say

that words are hurdles

but as if past traumas would just

never come alive again--

i've seen you stumble

on your own mental

punctuation

they say

"they've stolen your light"

like life and how it may leave soon

though i've seen your rugged body

but its age cannot erase the simply ageless

memory of your bright smile

i've seen you stumble

on your own mental

punctuation

but as you stumble you'd

always get up again, your eyes

releasing rivers of old words

suddenly oceans of past

traumas that welled up

the weight of two seas

suddenly gone, one for each

of your beautiful

eyes

they say

you are an angel

you may not think it

but i've seen how your perfect

love always outshines

all the pain and hurt you feel

i've seen you stumble

as your eyes

release oceans of old

words pent up --

your pain

would fall

as teardrops

down to the ground

below

if you feel the need

just spread your wings

and cry -- remember

the glistening leaves

down below

as they accept your love

will sprout

and grow

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written December 2012.

Poem #23: "victim of clashing worlds"

"victim of clashing worlds"

the mentally insane archer

draws his weapon, his victim

in time

enveloped

by fear

the mentally insane archer

readies his aim,

his poison-tipped words

flying without measure

the mentally insane archer,

his breaths becoming frantic,

releases the arrow,

a spear of clashing worlds

then

worlds meet

victim's heart's pierced by

poison-tipped words,

killed without mercy by past

unresolved traumas, now

escapes the confines

of an unsuspecting

mind

where

thoughts were

once poison-tipped

words, uncontrollably

clashing worlds

raging in insanity

now

they

finally

claimed

their

victim

who now lays alone,

heart bleeding,

releasing, in solitude, as

the mentally insane archer silently

leaves, knowing

his

job

has

finally

been

done

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written December 2012.

Poem #22: "i run"

"i run"

i run from my

mutual monster

i soon tire

it's futile to

battle

myself

i run

its gaze is

everywhere

i see it in

everything

and yet still

i run endlessly

its eyes

pierce me, as if

searching me, it

finds its home

to sleep

and still i

run

away

seeking

refuge

from my

mutual monster

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written November 2012.

Poem #21: "Meltdown Mode"

This poem is about an autistic meltdown.

"Meltdown Mode"

clicking clicking clicking
repetitive sound
drowned fires, burning tornadoes
in my arm
clicking clicking clicking
see the beauty of the monarch butterflies
in my stomach.

ticking ticking ticking
as if time didn't realize
the sounds are screaming out
in silence
ticking ticking ticking
Mom, the clock is sad
I feel it in my collar-bone

ringing dinging dinging
the blobs of darkness animate at night
as if their voices, never heard,
wanted to connect with someone
THEIR age.
Mom, turn up the lights
the green and purple darknesses are blinding
the blobs are deafening
I need my light and sound

whirr whirr whirr
soft breeze on my face
click
the breeze stops, spinning blades materialize
but Mom
I'm crying out in pain
my autism is playing with me
the fan is relaxing and the darkness is blinding
I can't take it anymore

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written September 2012.

Poem #20: "the lonely flower"

"the lonely flower"

plant a flower
let it grow
watch it sprout, then
you will know

what is life
and what is not?
see me grow
in my little spot

watch as i reach
up to the sky
and conjure up
the questions why

i sometimes wither
and long to fly

and i wonder

perhaps my heart is always 10 feet up
and at the same time, buried deep underground
perhaps that's why i'm always here,
but always lost and never found?

maybe when i reach up to the sky
i collect these tears, i drown in sorrow
and maybe that's why it always seems
like there's an uncertain tomorrow?

and some people say
don't you worry, forever is a place
but sometimes there's very little light
in my cold, dark heart-space

and the sun is sometimes warm...
but is that always the case?

and i wonder

people tell me, perhaps,
i'm like an angel with no wings
and maybe that is why
my small heart never sings?

but if so,
how am i always healing?
i love you
and your sorrows i'm always sealing

and when i say goodbye,
just remember how you're feeling -

plant a flower,
let it grow
watch it sprout, then
you will know

i am always there
for you
and i will always love
you too

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written October 2012.

Poem #19: "I've Seen Your Sunlight"

"I've Seen Your Sunlight"

i've seen your sunlight.

though you say you can't handle

the hurt and sadness

you know that your dim candle

flame still burns. it's hot but

hold it close -- it won't burn you.

though it may seem like all is lost

at least you've always been true

to yourself.

so let your words bleed

freely from your scars

show the world your need

to blossom.

to let your life grow

on to a new chapter.

i'll have you know

i've seen your sunlight,

even if you can't hear this.

keep your heart open,

let it feel the soft kiss

of the fresh morning breeze.

i've seen your sunlight.

though you say you feel

one day everything might

just abruptly end, or

your glass heart would shatter,

your life wounds bleeding fourth, or

it just won't matter

or you won't be there,

or just not whole

'cause you miss a thousand pieces

of your fractured soul

that's fallen to the floor.

embrace your glass heart's sunrise.

remember your true colours,

show the world that you will rise

to the challenge

of feeling --

let them know

that you are healing.

let your sunlight

shine with confidence

so no matter

through what incidence

happens to break you,

you'll still be there

and if pain or death overcomes

you'll still be felt within the air.

release your demons to the morning sunrise

and let your candle light shine into the world,

open your jaded heart-void and realize

your seeded flower has unfurled,

now gently kindle your candle flame,

release its sunlight too,

let the past burn down in flames

and love return to you.

i've seen your sunlight

i've seen you fly

i've seen you stumble and

i've seen you want to die.

i've seen your glass heart shatter

to a million pieces in your soul.

i've seen you crying out

"i've just never felt whole!

i've had too much of this

now there's nothing here but pain

i want it all to end now

before i go insane!

this world is just too much for me,

these words too hard to bear!

they just want to kill my flame

as if i wasn't there."

through your troubles

you will grow, so

let your pain free --

if it still burns, you will know

you're still alive.

i've seen your sunlight.

don't leave us all now,

things won't be so bright.

(c) TheLegendaryDreamer

Written January 2013.